


Mac and Gob Have Gay Sex

by cinnabongene



Category: Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 06:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15091430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: After coming out of the closet, Gob decides it's time to leave his family behind. When he wanders into a seedy bar in Philadelphia, he meets someone same... but different.





	Mac and Gob Have Gay Sex

After Tony Wonder disappeared, Gob was once again lost. And this time without even a closet to hide in. Aside from his literal closet at the beach house, which he hid in for several hours, hoping that his family would forget the whole fiasco. 

“For god’s sake, get out of the closet, Gob,” snapped Lucille. “We’ve got more important things to worry about than your sexual identity crisis.” 

“They say there’s one in every family,” mused George Sr.

“I just always assumed with Tobias around we were in the clear,” said Lucille, sipping her wine. 

“I’m not gay!” Gob cried from inside the closet. “You don’t think I actually didn’t know my mic was still on, do you? It was all just part of the act! And it worked! I fooled you! Ha!”

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose as he paced around the room. “No one cares that you’re gay, Gob. Buster’s escaped from prison, Lindsay’s MIA, Lucille Two and Oscar weren’t actually seen in Mexico, and we could all end up in prison if it looks like we had anything to do with any of this. We need to come together as a family and think of a solution.” 

Gob popped his head out of the closet. “Does this mean I can still be CEO?” 

“There’s not going to be a Bluth company to be CEO of!” Lucille cried. 

Then, comforted by the knowledge that his family was not going to shun him for his sexuality, he decided to come out… and shun them. 

He opened the door all the way and stepped out, dusting off his second of July suit. “Well then, in that case, yeah, I am gay. I’m officially out of the closet. And you know what else I’m out of? Here.” 

He pushed past his parents and brother and made a beeline for the door. 

“Wait, where are you going? You can’t just leave when things get out of hand,” said Michael. 

Gob laughed. “Look who’s talking now. You’re not the only one who gets to decide you’re done with the family, Michael. It’s my turn now. And I’m gonna go bang some dudes.” He patted Michael on the shoulder once more before walking away and never looking back. 

 

Gob stepped outside and took in a deep breath, finally feeling free. But where was he to go to start his new life as an out gay man? He took out his phone and asked, “Siri? What’s the best place to live when you’re gay?”

She found him an article ranking the most gay-friendly cities in the US. Number one, Los Angeles. Gob looked around with boredom and disgust. “I don’t want to live here. What’s next?”

The next best place? New York. He grinned. “The big apple, eh?” he mused as he got into his car. “Siri, get me directions to New York.” 

“Getting directions to New York. You will arrive at your destination in 42 hours. You are on the fastest route despite the usual traffic.” 

At the end of his fifth long day of driving, Gob stopped for a much needed drink and a good night’s sleep in South Philly. 

“Get me a… whatever it is you guys drink around here,” Gob muttered, sitting down at the counter of a seedy dive bar. 

“Well, we’ve got all sorts of beer,” said the scruffy but handsome bartender. 

“Been driving for 8 hours. Need something stronger,” said Gob. 

“I’ve got some paint thinner you could sniff,” offered a grubby looking guy who was cleaning puke off one of the tables.

“How about you just make me a cocktail,” said Gob. 

“Ooh, I could make you a Caribbean Paradise,” said the bartender, his eyes lighting up. “Some people say it’s better than bustin’ a nut.” 

“Yeah, that. I could use a nut bust after the week I’ve had,” said Gob. 

“Yeah, man. You look like hell. What happened?” the bartender asked as he prepared the drink. 

“Eh, it’s a long story. You don’t wanna hear it.” 

“I’m stuck here til closing. Not like I got anything better to do.” 

“Well, you see, back in California, where I’m from, there was this guy, Tony Wonder—”

“The gay magician?” the bartender asked. 

“Yeah! Yes, exactly!”

“Man, I love him. He’s so—”

“Hot?” Gob filled in instinctively. 

The bartender grinned. “Yes!” 

Gob was sweating now. He’d never had a conversation with another gay man besides Tony, who he wasn’t all that sure was gay anymore. 

“I love him too! I mean like, I’m _in_ love with him. But he doesn’t—”

“Feel the same way?” asked the bartender. 

“Exactly! And then, right when I thought we might actually have a chance to be together, he totally just—”

“Abandoned you and left you confused and heartbroken?” 

“Yes! I mean, I wouldn’t even have come out of the closet if it weren’t for him.” 

“Same!” cried the bartender. “The exact same thing just happened to me with the guy I’m in love with! I mean, not the part about the magic, but he just totally left, and he’s not—”

“Returning any of your calls?” 

“Yes!” 

“Same!” said Gob. “And now—”

“I’m not sure if he’s even—”

“Gay!” They both exclaimed in unison. “Same!”

Gob grinned as he took a drink of his cocktail. He was starting to get a feeling again. And the feeling was not friendship. “What’s your name?” he asked. 

“Mac. You?”

“Gob. But it’s—”

“Not your real name?” 

Gob’s eyes went wide. “How did you know?” 

“Mine’s not either. My real name is just—”

“Too ridiculous to ever consider going by?” asked Gob. 

“Same!” 

“You know what?” said Gob. “Screw Tony and… what’s your guy’s name?”

“Dennis.” 

“Dennis! Screw Tony and Dennis! We don’t need them. We’re two hot, young, gay men, fresh out of the closet!” proclaimed Gob. 

“Hell yeah, dude! I know this sweet gay club right down the street, The Rainbow. We should totally go,” said Mac. 

Gob looked around. “Right now? Don’t you have to be at work?” 

Mac waved a dismissive, carefree hand and stepped out from behind the bar. “I own this place. I don’t give a shit! Charlie, Dee, you take over while I’m gone.”

“I hope he doesn’t think he’s gonna fuck that guy in my apartment,” said Dee.


End file.
